I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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