grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
