Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
