smell my finger.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
