Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
