How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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