Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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