If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
