I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
