i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
