I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
