After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Are we still banned from the library?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize