Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
