I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
