Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
