I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
