Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
