Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
