Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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