I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
