the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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