No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
