dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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