What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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