you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
