how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
