we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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