I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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