Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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