She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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