allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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