she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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