Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
