Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
