Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
