Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
