i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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