Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
