ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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