I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
