I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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