Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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