Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
