i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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