Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
