her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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