My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
