If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
