I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That accounts for only three of the penises
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
