I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
