you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
