I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
