Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I die, sorry about rent.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
