we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
