Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
