Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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