Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize