That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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