absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
