I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
