I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
