Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
