Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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