We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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