Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
