Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I have vodka in my lungs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
