I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she peed on how many people?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize