If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
