so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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