I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
