Your mouth is God's brothel.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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