I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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