the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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