2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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