I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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